I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
