Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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