She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
