if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
