Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
