I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
