My nipple is on Facebook.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
