I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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