just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
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