Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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