I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
