seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
