So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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