dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
