She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
