his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
