also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I just googled if crying burns calories
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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