I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
splinters make it hard to masturbate
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
