last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
