Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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