he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
