So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
