I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
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