Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Randomize
