Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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