please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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