I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
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