the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
