even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Randomize
