She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
