proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
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