The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
you will always have a special place in my vag
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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