She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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