i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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