Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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