1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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