fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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