She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
