eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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