Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
