Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
