You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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