I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
