I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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