don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Two words: blizzard sex
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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