we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Did I show you my penis last night?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
