Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
