well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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