since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
