I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
