Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
