windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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