I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
