Got a toothbrush?
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
