I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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