dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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