You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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