i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
