Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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