therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
