no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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