Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
