Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
